Marco Crisciotti Sleep divorce — or "divorzio del sonno" — is the choice to sleep in separate rooms to improve rest quality and reduce couple conflicts. It's not a sign of crisis, but a strategy supported by scientific studies showing how disturbed sleep affects mood, intimacy, and health. Sleeping separately, when done consciously, can strengthen relationships and improve overall well-being.
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In recent years, the term “sleep divorce” has been appearing more and more frequently in scientific journals and surveys on couple well-being. It’s not about a marital crisis, but rather a practical choice: sleeping in separate rooms to improve sleep quality and, paradoxically, the quality of the relationship as well. According to research from the American Academy of Sleep Medicine (AASM), about one-third of American adults have already tried sleeping apart from their partner to get better rest.
A choice against interrupted sleep
The most common reason behind the decision to sleep separately is simple: one partner ruins the other’s sleep. Snoring, constant movement, sleep talking, or suffering from sleep apnea are problems that, when sharing sheets, can become a nightmare. According to the Cleveland Clinic, these nighttime disturbances are among the leading causes of secondary insomnia and often lead to the decision to separate beds or even rooms.
Added to these physiological reasons are different circadian rhythms. In many couples, one is an “owl,” preferring to go to bed late, while the other is a “lark,” more active in the morning. When biological timings don’t align, forcing cohabitation in bed can worsen both partners’ sleep quality. Research published in Scientific American showed that those who sleep next to a partner with night shift work schedules tend to sleep worse and feel more tired compared to those who sleep alone.
The effect of sleep on relationships
Sleep deprivation won’t just ruin your days, but will end up undermining your relationship as well. Poor sleep alters emotional regulation, reduces patience and increases conflicts. Several studies have highlighted how one partner’s sleep disturbances can directly impact marital satisfaction, even when the other doesn’t have their own sleep problems.
Other research found that couples with synchronized sleep rhythms — meaning they fall asleep and wake up together — tend to report a more positive perception of their relationship, especially in women with low levels of attachment security. When nighttime cohabitation generates stress, insomnia, or frequent awakenings, shared sleep stops being a bond and becomes a constant source of tension.
Not a failure, but a conscious agreement
In this context, the concept of “sleep alliance” emerges, a reinterpretation of sleep divorce not as a breakup but as a collaborative pact. It’s described as a strategy to protect the couple’s health through quality sleep, without sacrificing emotional intimacy. In practice, many couples choose to spend pre-sleep moments together — like watching a movie or cuddling — and then each retire to their own room. This allows them to maintain their emotional and physical bond while actually sleeping well.
A study conducted by the Sleep Foundation found that more than half of those who experimented with “sleep divorce” reported sleeping better and gaining an average of nearly forty minutes of sleep per night. A significant result, considering that chronic sleep deprivation is associated with mood disorders, decreased libido, and worsening cardiovascular health.
The risks: lack of contact and the loneliness effect
Not all couples benefit from this practice. Sleeping together can have positive psychological effects: physical contact during the night stimulates oxytocin, the bonding hormone, and contributes to feelings of security. Some studies indicate that nighttime separation can trigger, especially in more anxious individuals, a sense of loneliness or alertness that makes sleep lighter and more fragmented.
A matter of balance, not distance
Ultimately, “sleep divorce” isn’t a symptom of coldness or crisis, but a form of adaptation. What matters isn’t sharing the same bed, but maintaining communication, tenderness, and the rituals that keep the couple together.
Sleeping separately, when done by conscious choice and not as an escape, can represent a mature act of love: a way to take care of yourself and, consequently, your partner as well. The goal, after all, remains the same: waking up together, even if from two different beds, both finally feeling rested.
